If I were Jesus (I’m either going to lose a reader or two here or they’ll go on and be curious as to why I would ever… ever begin a sentence with those four words)… ahem… If I were Jesus I’d use a fancy story to relay a message to you in easy terms so you could understand it. Generally These are called parables, but a parable is supposed to have a moral or spiritual lesson so I suppose this is more of a simile of sorts, or a comparison really… whatever.

Booking shows for a band is a lot like asking a girl out on a date… through myspace.

the girl:

You dont know much about her except what your friends tell you. You’ve talked to her a few times but never face to face.  You ask her out… she might shoot you down. She looks pretty hot on the outside (sometimes too hot) and if not hot definitely acceptable for your tastes. You’re not sure if she’ll take care of you on the first date but you’re hopeful. Since this IS a first date though chances are you can’t expect much, you know? So she’s into it and says yes? Bam you go out and you have a fifty fifty chance of her using the angles and having the face of a schnauser or being heidi klum (and possibly fleeing as quick as possible into a place with locks after this initial meeting because you look like schreck). then threres her voice… ugh. End of the night you can call it successful if you had some good convo and a general good time. If you get a handy or something in the parking lot… you my friend have hit the jackpot.

the venue:

You e-mail the booking guy/girl/promoter and let them know, “Hey, I’m gonna be in your area this day in this month, I’ve got some friends who’ve been there before and they said nice things.  Here’s some press about the band and some MP3’s buddy. Check that shit out.” Then you hope for the best. If they don’t email you back in a week, email em again see if they’re into it, if not. Keep looking, plenty of fish in the sea… maybe.  If they email you back an offer and are into you playing… hot damn. You get in the van you get to the place, you have a fifty fifty chance of the photo on myspace being from before the riots and the PA being blown up when ICP came to town. Really, at the end of the night if you played well and had a good time it was probably worth it. If the people there liked you and you made some gas money you can pretty well call it a successful show. If you get a handy out in the parking lot after the show… you my friend have hit the jackpot.

The parable thing was pretty off base but whatever. I thought it would be written differently. These several sentences really show exactly how I feel right now trying to get regional stuff going. Any input from experienced readers in either subject feel free to chime in.